Bobbe White Writes

Perspective – it’s a pretty big deal.

tHe FuNnY sIdE oF cHrIsTmAs — December 14, 2016

tHe FuNnY sIdE oF cHrIsTmAs

The White Pages – December 14, 2016                                                                                                    Bobbe White

Written for WTAD.COM 

As the days until Christmas count down, stress levels mount up and up and up, until you feel as if you’re going to blow a gasket. It’s tough to get your gasket repaired this time of year. I have no idea what a gasket is or does, but in human terms I imagine it’s the holiday flu, or the holiday blues, or the terrible two’s (like watching adults act as if they’re two again. You know: becoming sick, cranky and fussy, with a tendency to meltdown into a puddle of tears.) A powerful time of the year is upon us; Thanksgiving bustles right into Christmas. To survive emotionally, try finding some comic relief where ever you can.

Remembering memories that make us laugh is one way to feel better for a moment. A moment? Hey – one moment’s better than none. It’s about jiggling and releasing those funny memories in your brain.  Anytime you hear yourself say, “That reminds me of the Thanksgiving or Christmas when…”  you may want to write it down so you don’t forget it for another fifty years. Remember, it doesn’t matter if your memory is funny to anyone else. I do recommend sharing, because you might get somebody else laughing and sharing their funny memories. Here are some of mine.

At Thanksgiving, our daughter, Korey, suggested downsizing: “Start by throwing out everything in this house that’s broken!” I started with our 30-year old dead microwave, because heating up Thanksgiving leftovers was a drag. Okay, we’re spoiled, but we’re still in a hurry; family needed to hit the road. I purchased a microwave the next Monday; installation was three days later. It’s great having a nuker again, except its position to the adjacent cabinet prohibits no more than a 45 degree door opening of this model. I’ll have to fold a pizza, I guess.  I texted Larry, the installer, to (1) thank him for his service and (2) ask, “Do microwaves ever open from the other side?” Here’s the text I received:


I began laughing, then crying from laughter. You know, “Craughter.” It was awesome. I thanked Josh for the advice and the laugh. He said, it wasn’t a problem and to have a good day. Did I EVER!

A co-worker is trying to pull off “Elf on the Shelf” for her four-year old daughter by posing Skittles in different household activities nightly. Skittles is the elf’s name. I had no idea that they must be named. Anyway, one morning last week, Madelyn ran to Mom to report Skittles had been in the flour bag and was just a white mess. “Skittles is soooooooooo sh*t!” she said.  “EXCUSE ME?!?!” said Mom. “Skittles is soooooooooooo sh*t!” Madelyn said again, bubbling with giggles.  Mom searched madly for a better word. The word. The right word.  “Do you mean “SILLY?”  And Madelyn replied, “Yeah, Skittles IS silly!”


Another co-worker’s grandson had shopped at their church’s children’s bizarre. Anderson proudly announced he’d purchased a pencil eraser for his one-year old brother. And a ruler for his mom. That reminded me of the one Christmas, my kids picked out peach-colored golf socks and an O.D. green puffy headband for me. I wore the socks a lot.  The headband?  Not so much. I wish I’d kept both items, because the combination makes me smile every time. Finally, co-workers were sampling a Kris Kringle exchange gift of Goat Milk hand lotion. It smelled horrible. Then one of the guys tried a dab, and said, “It’s not baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!” An answer with which any goat would be impressed.

Have a great pre-holiday week and remember to jot down your funnies so you can enjoy and share them this an every holiday season. It will help, I promise.





Whenever I look, the TV’s on a different channel. My husband doesn’t surf; he flips. And flips and flips and flips. When the king of the remote falls asleep, I try to steal it out of his hand, which he holds in a death grip, close to his heart. He awakes with a start and says, “Hey! I was watching that!”

One flip landed on the Bay Hill Golf Classic (Orlando) and Arnold Palmer’s interview. I’ve never actually met the legend, but Bay Hill (once called Arnold Palmer’s Bay Hill) is on my resume. Seriously. His wife hired me first job after college; my dream job. Pool manager was my title, which included concessionaire, swim teacher/coach, maintenance man, lifeguard supervisor and unofficial concierge. When I resigned, all I could remember about the job was that I was tired of being sweaty and basically, being a well paid janitor. I would, however, miss giggling with the staff at the golf manager’s name, Dick Tiddy. It was funny because his daughter was very tiddy.

Having been out of resort work for years, I reminisced, “If I had a do-over at Bay Hill – assuming I’m wiser now than I was at 21, this’d be a great gig!”

What I’d do if I worked for Arnie now:
• Introduce myself to Arnie. (I’m more assertive.)
• Hire staff who’d change the chlorine tanks (although technology has undoubtedly improved that system). In other words, delegate.
• Save the money from soda and ice cream sales. Bankers used to ask me, “Where’d you get all these quarters?!?” (Today, it’d be dollars!) Savvier now.
• Hire night security during the golf academy, so I wouldn’t have to clean feces off the locker room walls after 700 pre-adolescent boys ran amok. Yep, big, burly bouncers to keep those spoiled brats in line. I’d be more proactive.(Did I really say “dream job” above? Hardly!)
• Design “Bobbe’s Best Bets for dining, shopping, and amusements” for the resort guests. In other words, be more creative.
• Park my car next to Arnie’s Limo and schmooze with the driver when he was polishing the chrome. (I did it then; I’d do it now.) Because I could.
• Wear a hat, long sleeves and sunscreen instead of a swimsuit. Because, you know why.
While we all wish there were do-overs in life, there aren’t. Some things are put in our path on somebody else’s time line. Right job. Wrong decade. Or was the job, the kids, the boyfriend/girlfriend the marriage, the anything put in our path for us to learn? Hindsight is for dreamers, but also for learners. Look back for a moment; then look forward and appreciate how far you’ve come. It’s a lot like the fact that while writing this article, my delete key broke. Yep, just popped off the keyboard. NOW I CANNOT GO BACK! Just like life.

And I think It would be great fun to sit in the same room with Arnold Palmer, and say, “Hey Arnie – give me the remote for a minute. And he would. Without a fight. Because he seems like a really nice guy. bw

Success! Go! Find! Conquer! — February 1, 2014

Success! Go! Find! Conquer!

Creating Calm 
Out of Chaos

The start of my Saturday is like watching the cursor blink on this column. Where to start? So many tasks and chores pulling at my brain leaves me feeling overwhelmed. But start, we must. Experience tells me unfinished projects pull on us the hardest. Task one is to finish up tax work. Yippee. Task two is to declutter the laundry room. Does the excitement transcend through my words? To have picked the smallest room in the house, means completion can be realized in a realistic time frame and that is what will create success for me today! Off I go!  My wish you is to find some success today, no matter how big or small. Go! Find! Conquer!