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Posts tagged ‘books’

Adultiquette: Sniglets for Couth After Youth

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Bobbe White

ADULTIQUETTE- Sniglets for Couth, after Youth

(snig’-lit): n. A word, as defined by Rich Hall, American comedian, that doesn’t appear in the dictionary, but should. During his TV comedy series, Not Necessarily the News (1986-88), Sniglets became so popular, he wrote Sniglets, which has sold over 2 million copies. It’s my favorite.

sniglets

Example: Cinemuck. (cinna’-muk) n. def: Combination of popcorn, candy and soda on movie theater floors, that makes them sticky.  Here’s another: Blogorrhea (bloggo-ree’-uh) n- Compulsive, excessive, and/or meaningless ranting/raving by an individual on a blog. (Help! They won’t stop lately!)

If you’re from around Quincy, Illinois, you’ve heard of Tracy Schlepphorst’s popular children’s book, “Henry and His Manners.” Parents read this book to their children, including Tracy, who visits many classrooms to read. As you know, kids’ brains have a sponge-like quality. Just when you do something you hope goes unnoticed, they’ll call you on it. Everyone’s concerned that adult manners are disappearing from society. If our manners-read kids can’t keep us in line, I’ve created a few Sniglets, for this.  Here’s one, for gym rats, given our new year’s resolutions:

Athletiquette (ath-let-uh-ket) n. Manners for the gym. i.e. wiping sweat droplets off equipment and self, replacing equipment as found, not hogging equipment or butting in, between someone’s sets, picking up your locker room stuff and occasionally washing your gym clothes. I swear, some people are Noseblind. (The inability to smell something everyone else can).

Others from the “A, B, C and D” sections:

Achootiquette (ah-chu’-tuh-ket) Sneezing away from food and other humans, with a Kleenex, or arm, if possible.

Achootitootiquette (ah-chu’-ti-toot’-uh-ket) The act of sneezing out your front side, which simultaneously forces a particularly resonant toot, at Mach 3 speed and force, out your back side.  It happens; just say, “Oops…excuse me!” and move on. Or giggle. Whichever…

Batcheloretiquette (bach-el-or’-et-tuh-ket) Suppressing the urge to ask single women if they (a) have a boyfriend, (b)are engaged yet or (c) if they’re getting married or (d)whose wife are you? Just don’t. (Does Merlot match your outfit?)

Burpetiquette (birp-et-uh-ket) Owning and apologizing for a disruptive and voluminous belch, either expected, or unexpected.

Crackettiquette (krak’-ett-uh-ket)(See also: Plumbetiquette)The courtesy of buying your britches and a belt, in the correct sizes, so we don’t get the urge to throw a piece of ice down your backside when exposed to the light of day (or night.)

Discotetiquette (dis-co-tet’-uh-ket) Repressing the craving to croon every oldies song heard in public places. Sorry, but no one wants to hear your rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody or American Pie.

I won’t bore you with manners Sniglets, for the entire alphabet, (Yep, I did the whhhhhhole thing!), but I don’t want to catch blogorrhea.

Rich Hall, please, please, please create current Sniglets for America. There surely are things happening here that must be Sniglet worthy. In the meantime, if you’re still accepting Snigtributions (Contributions of Sniglets), here are mine, Rich, and I have more!

Readers: create and send your own Sniglets to me; I’ll include them next week!

Why I Avoided Classic High School Lit Class

Where were the guidance counselors when I signed up for classes? Where were my parents? Who let me avoid some of the most important subjects of my foundation? In short, I was afraid of being bored, a classic teenage fear! Now, it makes me angry, that as a fifteen, sixteen, and seventeen year-old, I was entrusted with choosing the right schedule. Instead of enrolling in Brit Lit, American Lit, or World Lit, I opted for Creative Writing and Mythology. Good grief.  I feel like such a slacker.  Jacquelyn Mitchard (Deep End of the Ocean) once had a weekly syndicated newspaper column. Every Wednesday evening, I devoured her wit and wisdom, especially her column titled, “Read These Classics Before You Die!”  Eleven all-time-must-reads were on the list and, at that moment, I wondered if I had a chance to make a dent.  A Tree Grows In Brooklyn was my first book. Check.  To Kill A Mockingbird. Check. Catcher in the Rye. Check, check.  Sadly, I do not read very fast and am easily distracted by current best sellers. My bedside stack of books continues to grow. My family passes good reads my way, with the enticing words, “You’re going to LOVE this one!” If only I could finish books by sliding them under my pillow at night. There is one bright spot in my delayed reading curriculum…as an adult, I am enjoying the classics more than I ever would have, as a teenager. Last week, I read Hemingway’s, Farewell to Arms. My husband said, “What? You’ve never read THAT?”  I read much too slowly to read things twice…although, there are some books which I would love to read once a year. This week I am reading Three Cups of Tea and (yes, and) Hemingway’s Garden of Eden. I am becoming a huge Hemingway fan. The simple dialogue is very creative, if that makes sense. Old Man and the Sea was my first Ernest book, so I had no idea that Farewell and Garden would be so sultry. Perfect summer reading. Did you catch the part that I am reading two-at-a-time? This is only possible because of books-on-C.D. from our public library. I do not feel like I am cheating by listening, as opposed to reading the written word. On the contrary, it is absolutely delicious to hear the story read as it was intended to unfold. I’ll never totally conquer the classics, but with two-at-a-time, I can certainly make some progress.  Now, if only the community college offers a speed reading course, for audit only-not a grade, please, maybe I can knock out three-at-a-time! Parents, guide your children. Counselors, guide your students. Administrators, require the classics.