Written for WTAD.COM “The White Pages”

On Halloween, at Charlotte (NC) Douglas International Airport, a few employees wore costumes, hoping to make waiting passengers smile. It didn’t work that well. There were the usual Wizard of Oz guys, Pillsbury Dough boy and two clowns with neon lime green hair. One of the clowns walked through my gate, offering treats from a bag.  He didn’t have too many takers. Sensing a chill in our row, he walked right on by us. Of bad 2016 dress up choices, could any costume be worse than a clown suit? I think not. At least his face wasn’t painted, but seriously, have the airport’s Customer Relations people been living In caves? Nobody likes clowns much this year. Even on Halloween. Maybe two guys were late to work Monday and were told, “Just for being late, you two clowns can have these costumes; thats all we have left.” They should’ve taken a pass and waited to be turkeys or elves in a few weeks. Even before the 2016 creepy clown epidemic, there were many children and adults suffering from Coulrophobia (fear of clowns). Of all the Greek roots, there’s apparently no equivalent Greek word for clown. The closest is Coulro (one who is on stilts). The more familiar version is Clownphobia. The humor version is BOZOPHOBIA, which is right on the button, because whoever let these clowns out and about the terminal is a bozo.

Other than Bozo and friends, there was a witch at the ticket counter, a rabbit at Starbucks and Snow White posing for pictures with some passengers; not overly creative, but employees often have guidelines. One passenger on my Southwest flight wore really odd glasses over her glasses. I think she grabbed them out of the Mardi Gras box instead of the Halloween box. The best costume so far, however, was a Southwest flight attendant. An announcement said, “There will be a very special trash lady making one more pass up and down the aisle, before landing. Please have your trash ready for our special trash lady.” Here she came, in all her glory, wearing a trash bag, stuffed full of newspapers poking out around her neck. On the outside of her bag an empty pretzel package, peanuts bag, gum wrappers and bandage were taped. She wore a coffee cup in her hair. Now THAT’s my kind of Costume! In fact, next year, I may have to copy it for myself. I’ll be called, “White Trash”. I’ve been called worse… Hope you had an enjoyable, safe and chocolately Halloween!

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