To Go, or Not To Go? Alone. That is the question.
A guest blogging opportunity with RecoveryHelpNow.com was to write about independence. Not the Fourth of July kind, but personal independence. Independence suggestions are applicable to any relationship; this philosophy is healthy, from social situations to romantic ones.
To Go, or Not to Go. Alone. That is the Question! Bobbe White
In a world where mother-in-law jokes are plentiful, the best advice I’ve ever received came from mine. Large families tend to have competitive spirits, or they can’t be heard, or even get food at the table! I, however, came from a quiet, passive dinner table family; making me a great doormat in the early years of our relationship. Most memorable are the times when I wanted to go somewhere, when Jeff did not. Can you say, “Beg, plead, whine, pity and pout”?
Example: in college, my favorite band, Jethro Tull, was coming to ISU. I wanted to go. BADLY. Jeff did not. End of conversation. Or so I thought. On the day before the concert, a buddy, at Bingo’s Bar happy hour, had an extra ticket. Guess who ended up going? Bingo! I was mad for, like, 27 years. Maybe longer. Then I got the best words of wisdom, from Jeff’s mom. “If you don’t do something just because he doesn’t want to, you’re going to miss a lot in life.” Life changing statement, that one. It was a foreign approach, but with practice, I became quite adept at the idea.
To decide whether to go solo somewhere, or no-go, I first weigh the pure importance of the situation. Occasionally, I demand attendance by Jeff. This is not often. Honestly, there are more optional outings in our lives than required ones. Who ever said that a relationship requires us to do everything together was not married to this man of mine. We’re more interesting to each other if we sometimes have separate adventures; not to mention an acquired level of independence and self-confidence. In fact, I now find certain activities preferable to do solo. Travel, a movie, a play, or a party. It becomes easier to walk into a room or theater alone. This idea of doing what you want, alone (and the situation is safe, of course) is not just for marriage, but any relationship. And for the record, I finally got to see Jethro Tull in concert. Twenty-seven years later. Now, get going…or you might miss the show! bw